fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 1 – Chapter 5

Chapter 5

On nights that I go to the gym, I always end up feeling utterly exhausted. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t work out enough or because I worked out too much. I like to think it’s the latter. I enjoy the power of wishful thinking. My body is exhausted. My mind is wide awake. I can’t sleep. I want to sleep. I can’t sleep.

I stare up at the ceiling. If I look at it for long enough, maybe I’ll see something? In my mind I replay today’s events. Work was work. I like my job, but I don’t live for it. I suppose that since I push it out of my brain as soon as I’m in the car and on my way home might limit my upward mobility in the company. That’s okay for now. I’m good at what I do and I don’t dislike it.

At the gym, Brie grills me for more info about David and the club. I answer all her questions. I also ‘accidentally’ spilled water on her pants. I’m still irked that I had to go to bed horny and frustrated. My dreams were insane… I think. I’m not very good at remembering them unless I write them down as soon as I wake up, but I’m pretty sure they were crazy. Now would be the perfect time for me to work out that frustration… if I could lift my arms.

I look over at the clock. 9:45pm. Really? Since when do I go to bed at 9:45? I feel old. I reach out and grab my laptop from the nightstand. Well, I touch my laptop and remember that my arms are useless. With grunts and groans I roll over, sit up, take it with both hands, and roll back over, setting it up next to me.

I rest my eyes as the whirs, hums, and zips tell me that it’s working. I would pat myself on the back for my new screening method if not for, you know, the whole arms thing. It leaves me with so much more time to explore the things that I want to without being afraid that I might miss the perfect sub for me. I browse the groups I follow and find an interesting discussion on long-term chastity going on.

I begin typing my two cents but it is probably easier to just tell you directly. I prefer oral sex to PIV (penis in vagina) intercourse. I know there are a lot of women like me, that just find clitoral stimulation to be much more enjoyable and fulfilling. I don’t hate sex. The shared intimacy is nice, but when I’m horny, I want massive, explosive, mind-blowing orgasms. Plural. For hours. One of the things I love about being a dominant is that it’s okay for me to make sex about me. I like it this way better.

So I want him locked up. I want to wear the key on a necklace and drape it above my cleavage. I want to make him ache, lust, whimper, and beg. I want to make him yearn for me so much it hurts. I want him to know that only I can release him and give him what he wants. This makes him oh so obedient and hungry to please. I dangle the carrot just out of reach.

Have you seen what happens to a submissive man after he has an orgasm? All of that enthusiasm, desire to please, and attentiveness just vanishes. Sometimes for days. I want my man to be submissive and to stay submissive.

This was harder for me to deal with in my first year. I had all of these ideas about mutual pleasure, doing things that turn both of us on, doing things that get both of us off, and so on. In every case, he always ended up wanting more and more and more and pretty soon it felt like it was all about him like I was just a service top or something. Eventually I started strictly controlling their orgasms but their submission would cycle. They didn’t want to be submissive for days after an orgasm but then got submissive when they wanted an orgasm.

Since then I’ve learned and lot and my views have changed completely. Now I plan to lock him up and keep him locked. I will let him out if I feel like it, but since I prefer oral, why would I want to do that? Don’t get me wrong, I completely respect a woman’s choice to enjoy her sub’s penis, I just enjoy it a penis a lot more when it is encased in steel, throbbing, dribbling, and lusting for me.

If I’m being completely honest, my inner-sadist lives to deny him. I want him to want it just so I can take it away. I thought that this might make me a bad person, but thankfully I discovered chastity forums and learned there were plenty of men that were ready and willing to be locked up.

Do you ever have one of those moments where you don’t feel like you truly understand how strongly you feel about something until you have to explain it to someone? I just had one of those moments. And now I’m even more sexually frustrated. I will hurt you, Brie.

Where was I? Oh, yeah, after posting my response, I go through my feed. I don’t know why. I know that I’m looking to find something so that I can avoid something. I let out a sigh and click on David’s profile. I can’t tell if I enjoy cyber-stalking someone or not. If you don’t dig, you won’t reach their true self. People are very good at crafting an image they wish to portray. If you dig too deep, you’ll usually see something you wish you hadn’t. As much as potential subs give me hope, I try to assume that I will inevitably discover something that I see as a red flag and I erase them from my list. My heart still holds out hope, but sometimes my heart has shit for brains.

His profile is intriguing. Instead of making a list of empty promises, he writes about the strength of submission. He doesn’t drone on about submission being a gift. He talks about what it means to him. It’s a refreshing perspective and not more of the same old stuff. I read the next bit and take a deep breath. It’s about love.

This boy… his heart is broken. He paints a beautiful picture of his heart’s desire. I feel a small tingle. Damn you, David. I read on and brace the walls around my heart. They crumble anyways. He writes eloquently. He writes about the love I want to feel. He writes about the way I want to be loved. That twitch in my chest is fear. I dig hoping to find dirt.

His activity feed is rather bland. A handful of pictures loved. A handful of journal entries. A smirk forms on my face. He joined three chastity groups the night we met. Good boy. Wait, what? We are looking for dirt, Wanda.

I browse his interests and groups in search of red flags. He’s part of a few fur fetish groups. I’m not surprised. I’ve never really understood fetishes. I know that people have them and they need them to get off, but I just can’t relate to it. Like leather or fur, for instance. I love how they look. They make me feel sexy. I love how they feel on my skin. I love touching them. I love how they smell. Well, I do get a little bit turned on when I wear them. Wait, am I a fetishist? Semantics semantics semantics semantics, bail me out. A-ha, I am an enthusiast. Crisis averted.

A lot of his things are normal by BDSM standards. Bondage. Corporal punishment. Orgasm denial. CFNM. Humiliation. A flag shoots up. Forced feminization. Big no. SPH. I smirk. Well, he is Asian. I can stop now. Sorry, David.

I never quite understood the appeal of some of these things. When I think of humiliation all I can picture are those bad porn clips with some pro dominatrix slapping a guy’s face and making him crawl, calling him a worm and a maggot. That seems like a lot of work on my part for something that doesn’t benefit me. And feminization? It doesn’t benefit me. Well, I’m probably biased on that one. A hundred sissies write to me every day. It’s always ‘make me do this, make me do that, me me me,’ with them. Just between you and me, when I see some of those pictures of old men dressed up like maids I find it really creepy.

I’m about to close his profile when I see a section he has devoted to links. I’m always hungry for new and interesting resources. Wow. Why is it that it feels like there’s like 3 websites out there and everyone just knows about those? I keep scrolling. The next section is labeled, ‘Domme-Authored Blogs.’ I let out a small chuckle. Blogs. I feel as though I have stepped into a time warp. Give me a moment while I send an unintelligible text message from my flip phone, rent a DVD at the video store, and go hunt for blue light specials at J-Mart.

My heart skips a beat. The first link is a banner. ‘Ms. C’s Lifestyle Female Domination’ There’s a small picture on it. I lean in closer to the screen (who remembers the hotkeys to zoom?). That’s the outfit from the club. I fumble around trying to click it as fast as I can and wait for it to load. Yes, I’m over 18. No, I don’t want to sign up for the mailing list.

The page scrolls out before me. That’s her. From the club. That’s Cassandra. She has costume ball type eye mask on but that’s her. I kick my legs on the bed and let out a happy squeal. She’s so beautiful. Girl-crush #2. I catch myself subconsciously grinding into the bed. Really, Wanda?

I scroll down to the first post. It’s about this past fetish night.
“The girls and I had another great time out at fetish night. We have so much fun when we’re together. I met a lovely Domme that I didn’t know before. I do hope she comes to see me. As always, we hope to see everyone again next month. Just a reminder, but ladies are always welcome to join us. Boys, remember to line up, be patient, be respectful, be polite, and just maybe you will get the privilege of speaking with us.”

I feel my face turn red. I wonder if she’s talking about me? Couldn’t be. I scroll a little more and see a full group photo of them all in their matching outfits with arms over each others shoulders. The faces have been cropped off. The photo has a caption, “If you really want to see us, you’ll have to be there.” I’m a bit surprised as the photo is from the club but they have a strict policy against photos or video. I remember my conversation with Marcus. Maybe they are an exception. I scroll a little farther and my jaw drops. An embedded yootoob video of the stage. I click the link and watch it load. It’s Dominique walking up while a very large man joins her on stage.

The MC starts talking while the man takes off his shirt and a few of the staff hook him up to the cross.
“We have a challenge. Ms. Dominique has wagered that she can make him safe word in one shot. And a Mr… Ryan is the challenger.”

I inhale deeply and begin to grind. I can’t look away. She’s amazing. Dominique casually strolls up and retrieves the whip from the cart. She rolls her shoulder in a circle a few times. It’s over like lightning. Crack.
“PAAAANTIES!!!!”
“Awww, looks like Mr. Ryan couldn’t quite handle it.”

The crowd roars. Dominique stuffs her winnings in her cleavage and drops the whip handle like a mic. The video ends. What did I just see? Was that staged? I scroll down to the comments.
“Haha, she did it again.”
“That’s so fake. That guy was a pussy”
Reply. “Dude, you have no idea how good she is.”
“All he had to do was get to 2 and he couldn’t handle one more?”
Reply. “They made a special rule for her because she got tired of having to wager 2 hits. If he doesn’t safe word after 1, she gets to hit him 5 times.”
“I thought they didn’t allow video there?”
Reply. “The camera only points at the stage and the club owner gets everyone’s permission. You have to sign a waiver to take part in a challenge.”

I’m disappointed in you, Wanda. I could have just been tired or burned a sick day but I went home and missed this. I replay the video a dozen times. I want to be her. I bookmark the site and email it to myself so that I can open it on my phone.

Why thank you, David. You have excellent taste in blogs. I close the laptop and turn off the light. I want to touch myself. Curse these arms.

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4 thoughts on “fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 1 – Chapter 5

  1. Have you seen what happens to a submissive man after he has an orgasm? All of that enthusiasm, desire to please, and attentiveness just vanishes. ——soooo true. 🙄

    I can’t wait for Wanda to go to Cass’ shop 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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