fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 1 – Chapter 8

Chapter 8

I wake up and the world seems overly bright today. I think I stayed up too late last night. I want to sleep more but the room is way too bright.

“Leo, go close the blinds and I’ll give you a treat.”

He looks at me like I’m stupid. I let out a sigh and climb out of the warmth of my bed. I need to drink more water. At the window I see now why the sun is stabbing me in the face. Father winter decided to take a dump on us. That whole ‘winter wonderland’ idea is fun for about a day. After several months of it you start wondering why people were insane enough to inhabit this part of the country. Why didn’t we just conquer Mexico back when it was okay to take land from other people?

After the evening at Cassandra’s I have started noticing every possible way where I miss having an obedient sub in my life. Add closing the blinds to that list. And bringing me water. And shoveling all that frozen white shit off my driveway and sidewalk. Really? My arms finally stopped hurting yesterday and I just want to roll around on the bed pouting and throwing a tantrum and have that mystically make the snow shovel itself.

Every so often you come across those subs on kinklife that offer ‘no-strings cleaning.’ I wonder if there are any that would offer ‘no-strings shoveling.’ That’s the ticket, Wanda, work smarter, not harder. I’ll have to think up a clever ad I can post later. Or… I can just test him.

I grab my phone and open yoohoo.
“sputter, it would impress me a lot if you shoveled my driveway and walkway.”

I set the phone down and sigh. Wishful thinking. The app beeps.
“Send me the address and I’ll be over ASAP. Do you have a snowblower?”

Wait, what?
“I have a snowblower but the thought of you laboring for me with a shovel amuses me.”

I can’t tell if I’m messing with him or not. Do I actually want him coming over here? Or am I just wanting to tease him about it? I guess I would rather it be him than some stranger.

“Do I need to bring my own shovel?”

I smirk. I prod him hard.
“Yes, but it shouldn’t be a snow shovel. It should be a small shovel like you would use for digging dirt. I want this to be difficult and unpleasant. I need to see if you can suffer for me for hours without complaint.”

I let out a laugh. I had better be careful or I might actually talk him out of it. Well, if I wanted to do that I would have told him to do it with an ice cream scoop.
“Yes, ma’am.”

Holy shit. I feel myself hesitating. Why am I so scared of him? I can trust him if I make him earn it, right? I jump into Domspace.
“I will not speak to you, greet you, nor thank you. You may not take any breaks once you have started. I expect the job to be performed thoroughly. When you are done, you are to drive home. Your only consolation is that I will be watching you and using this as a test to determine if you are a submissive of worth.”

“Thank you for this opportunity, ma’am. I am grateful for receiving this chance to prove myself. I am also very honored that you see me as trustworthy enough to give me your address.”

My jaw drops. He’s going to do it. I watch his icon light up as he types.
“I do have one request and this is non-negotiable, ma’am. If I successfully complete this task, you will tell me your first name. I will do whatever it takes to prove that I am real, but with this sacrifice I need to know that you are real, too.”

I smirk. My formidable boy. My fingers fly across the screen.
“I accept your request, but since you forget your place, you must shovel while wearing a pink girl’s hat. I am the one that dictates terms. That will be the trade for my name.”

I laugh and wait for his reply. His icon stays dark. I watch it light up and go dark. Light. Dark. He’s flustered and having trouble figuring out what to say. I think I am starting to see some of the appeal. Cassandra was right. Power is intoxicating.

“Yes, ma’am. Please allow me an extra 15 minutes of travel time to purchase one on the way.”

Good boy.

“I hope you please me, sputter.”

I send him my address and roll around on the bed in excitement. Teasing that boy is so much fun. I should shower before he arrives. I grab Pikky and accept his warm embrace. I can’t concentrate. Why did I demand THAT of him? I could have requested anything, why did my mind go there? I replace Pikky to his perch and wash my hair. Could I have seriously changed that much in one day? David. David, David, David. My biases were fair and earned. I had every right to feel how I do… did… do… ugh, about those kinks of yours.

I had only seen them as a sub’s demands they expected me to meet. I didn’t see how they could work for me. So which type are you? Are you secretly a wanker who any day now will tell me how to dominate you? Or did you already know… how power corrupts? I want to tear you apart. I want to dissect your brain and see how it works. I want to put you naked under the spotlight while I explore every nook and cranny of your being while I stay safely behind the curtain. The tingle.

I grab Pikky. I bite my lip as I give into the hunger. I want to consume you, David. Oh, the things I would have you do, pitiful boy. The things I would do to you. I let out a cry as Pikky performs his job.

My lips curl a smile. I pat Pikky on the head as I return him. If only a real boy was as reliable and talented as you are. You give without asking for anything in return. You pleasure me like it’s your job. I can always rely on you. You never fail me. So tell me, David, are you more like Pikky or are you like all the others?

I dry myself off with a towel, painfully aware of how badly I long for a sub to do this for me… with a fresh towel… warm from the dryer. H would rub lotion on my skin to counter the dryness of these harsh winters. I grab my robe and imagine a ritual and then my slippers. I tingle. Where do I find that boy? David, is that you? I wonder how much one of Cassandra’s robes would cost. Wait. Stay focused, Wanda.

I sit in front of the mirror and run a brush through my hair. I peek at the weather on my phone. Remind me why I live here again? Air dry it is, there’s no way I’m leaving the house today. That boy. An evil grin forms on my lips. How you will suffer for me today just to impress me and learn my name. I squeeze my thighs together as the muscles tighten.

Why are you doing this, boy? You drive me mad. You are foolish. Fail me so I can push you away. You’re a foreign invader. You storm my castle walls. The hooks in my heart… are not on my terms. Show me your true colors. Show me this is all an act. Show me you’re just a pretender with a silver tongue, like all the others. I will expose you. I will make you tip your hand.

This battle in my head rages on. I want you to be the one, but I refuse to let you hurt me. I refuse to let you betray me. I refuse to be duped like a naive high school girl. My ex-husband fooled me. All those subs tricked me enough to get their foot in the door only to leave me with disappointment and hurt feelings. Steel your resolve, Wanda. Fortify those walls. Make him earn it.

I move a chair over to the window and sit down with my laptop. Before it can load a blue car pulls up and parks on the street in front of my house. The sun reflecting off the snow is so bright. I shield my eyes with my hand and watch the shadowy figure. I think it’s him. He’s all bundled up in a heavy parka and snow pants. He retrieves a shovel from the car and walks to the driveway. It’s a garden shovel. I let out a laugh. Foolish, foolish, boy.

He pulls back his hood. Why would he do that when it’s so damn cold out? He moves from the shadows and into the light. I squeal and laugh as I see the hat on his head. He actually did it. I slap my thigh with my hand and cover my eyes. I remove my hand and find him shoveling. The hood says down leaving the pink hat on display for all to see. Oh, David. You are a fool. I bite my lip as I feel the pull.

I watch him intently. He digs the tiny shovel in and lifts. I watch the fresh powder spill off the sides to be scattered by the wind. He’s mostly scattering the snow without actually moving it away. What will you do, boy?

After 10 minutes he has barely cleared anything. Will you give up and release your hold upon me? I arch my brow. He changes his grip on the shovel and holds it like a hockey stick. I watch as he glides the shovel just below the surface and pushes a line of it like a plow. It doesn’t move a lot, but it proves to be a lot more effective than what he was doing. He does another line. He stops and moves halfway. He starts again and pushes half of the snow to the left. He switches hands on the shovel and pushes the other half to the right. Progress.

The devil on my left shoulder whispers in my ear.
“That’s cheating. You should disqualify him immediately.”

The devil on my right shoulder whispers in my ear.
“This boy is resourceful, think about how much you could exploit him if he was enslaved.”
I crack a smile and high-five righty in my head. Yes, I have two devils. If you were expecting one of them to be an angel, you’ve got the wrong girl. I see a car approaching on the street. It slows down to a crawl as it passes my driveway. They notice. I’ll bet David notices too. Undeterred, he continues his work without pausing. Did you want to hide, David? Or are you enjoying this?

I talk to him in my head. Are you cold, David? Of course you’re cold, it’s freezing outside. Are you getting tired? Do you regret this? Is the mean and cruel Mistress making you suffer? Pitiful boy. Will you ask for a reward? Why would I reward you for doing your job? I would chain you up in the basement. I suppose my generous nature might grant you a pillow for a job well done. Who am I kidding? If I give him a pillow once he will just start asking for it every time. Silly, Wanda, have you learned nothing from your previous failures?

You should know this, David. Your reward would be more service. I would permit you the privilege of dressing me. I would permit you the privilege of cooking me breakfast. My stomach growls. Dammit, Wanda, why now? Tough it out, girl.

Where was I? Oh, yeah. I would permit you the privilege of worshiping my body. I would let you coat me in kisses. I would let you massage me. I would let you taste me. The sweet nectar of the Goddess. I glance out the window. You, boy. You have to earn the privilege. I slide my hand inside my robe.

I want to use you. I will use you to my heart’s content. I bounce a little in my chair. I will take what is rightfully mine. Extend your tongue and taste me. Show me your devotion. Show me your love. I gasp for air and moan.

Beep boop beep beep. Fuck. Beep boop beep beep. Are you fucking kidding me? Shut up. Beep boop beep beep. Leave a message. Stop ringing. Tongue. Lips. Faster. Harder.

Beep beep boop beep. Beep beep boop beep. Brie, I WILL kill you. Beep beep boop beep.
Beep beep boop beep. Beep beep boop beep.

“WHAT?!”
“Whatcha doin?”
“Meditating.”
“Did you achieve inner-peace and tranquility?”
“I hate you.”
“Can you believe how much snow we got? It was like, mountains of it.”
“Yes, mountains.”
“Someone sounds excited.”
“You know me, I live for excitement.”
“Are you being grumpy Gus because now you’ll have to shovel it?”
“No. Someone is shoveling it for me.”
“Ooh. Who’s someone? Who’s someone? Is it a boy?”
“Yes, it’s a boy.”
“Is it your Asian prince? Are you going to make him cocoa and have hot nasty sex in front of the fireplace?”

I feel my face heat up. Brie, if you weren’t my friend I would wish you harm.
“You know I don’t have a fireplace. And no cocoa.”
“Aww, why not?”
“Because I’m not letting him inside.”
“What? Are you paying him?”
“No. It’s free.”
“How did you swing that?”
“People enjoy showering me with kindness.”
“If you don’t drop the sarcasm and start answering me seriously, Wanda, I won’t let you masturbate in peace for an entire week.”
“I hate you.”

My face erupts into a full-on blush.
“Let me guess, you dangled a carrot for the subby?”
“Yes, Brie. I’m testing him.”
“Sounds like fun. Can I watch?”
“No, Brie. Unless you want to bring me breakfast.”
“So is it the Asian prince?”
“Stop calling him that.”
“So it is. What made you change your mind? I thought you had written him off?”
“Yesterday I had some… eye-opening experiences.”
“Oh, your trip to the shop. Was it fun? Did you buy anything? What did you think of her?”
“Cassandra is a very impressive woman. I bought an outfit.”
“Was it the one you told me about from the club?”

My silence makes her laugh.
“You will model it for me next time I am over there. Promise me.”
“I promise, Brie.”

I swear this woman must masturbate with a kryptonite dildo to be able to render me this powerless.
“Let’s go to the gym. Monday, 6:30. You can tell me EVERYTHING.”
My stomach growls again. If I don’t agree I will die of starvation.
“I’ll see you then, Brie. I really need to go make some breakfast.”
“Sounds like fun. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Brie.”

Brie missed her true calling as a travel agent. Who else could take you from the ocean to the desert in less than 15 minutes?

I peer out the window. It has been about an hour since he started and David has managed to clear a pretty good chunk of the driveway. Apparently using the shovel that way has been rather effective. Smart boy. I crack a smile. Wait, what? This feeling… I’m proud of him.

My stomach growls again. Thank you, stomach, for providing a worthy distraction. I head downstairs. Leo zips ahead of me and rubs against my legs. I pour him some food in his bowl and he attacks it like a ravenous beast. I grab a yogurt from the fridge and pop a bagel into the toaster. My senses perk as the coffee begins to drip. Thank you, coffee gods, your daily gift of caffeine keeps me nourished.

I sit down to my breakfast and sip my coffee. This has been a crazy week. I feel like I’ve grown more in the past week than in the previous four years combined. I feel like I have a mentor now. Someone I can learn from. Someone I can aspire to be like. She’s amazing. I look down at my food. I’ll bet that Cassandra is having some gourmet omelet with bacon and some fresh-squeezed juice for breakfast. I will find mine. I want it more than anything, I’m sure of that now. I peer out the window and watch David toil away. David, David, David. You and your philosophy. Why are you so different from the rest?

I want to see the big picture. I continue connecting the dots in my head. David, you have confidence in your submission. You understand your devotion and abilities. You know this. Why do you keep saying that you are not worthy of me? Is that what you actually believe?

Is that why you crave humiliation? Your pride and strength as a submissive will give you an ego so you wish to have it squashed in order to remain humble? Is that what Cassandra does with fs? He’s the greatest sub I have ever seen but he… knows his place. He knows he is not her equal. Wait, what?

This masterful sub that never feels worthy. Is this why you are proving yourself to me today, David? A faker that is just looking for sex would never do this. I know that. Are you doing this because you still feel unworthy and so you must prove yourself to me with your actions?

I think back to our conversation at the club, his kinklife message, and his comments on Cassandra’s blog. It clicks. He doesn’t diminish himself. He elevates me.

His words make me feel beautiful and confident. He makes me feel like I deserve to have a servant. When I talk to him I feel entitled. He is lesser because I am greater. David, is that how you feel? Is that how you see me? Is that how you see your submission?

Is that how fs feels? Do you want to be trapped in submissive space, David? If I kept you there, would you feel only overwhelming love and devotion? Is that what fs feels? If I make you feel lesser, will you see me as even greater?

My boy. You are an enigma waiting to be revealed. Really, Wanda? Calling him yours? He hasn’t even finished his test. I temper myself. Steer the course. Test him. If he passes, let him slowly earn your trust.

My heart talks to me. David, if you pass this test today, I want to know you.

I finish my breakfast and return to my room. I inspect his work. He’s half done. You are formidable, boy.

I slip on some lazy day underwear and a pair of comfortable sweats and an over-sized t-shirt. I check my phone. I have a phasebook notification. Another picture from mom. A simple caption.
“This snow brings back memories.”

The picture is of me as a young girl and Freddie during a blizzard. It was a snow day and we were playing outside. Freddie was hiding behind me. Why am I holding a leash? Oh, I remember.

When we were done playing outside we played Wonderous Woman in the basement. I tied him up in our scarves and put my hat on him, pulling it down over his eyes. I pretended the dog’s leash was my magic lasso, put it around his neck and led him around as my prisoner. I put him in the closet for his cell and sat in front of the door so he couldn’t open it, although not that he could have with his hands tied behind him. I remember running the lash under the door and holding it tightly so that he couldn’t stand up. Freddie was afraid of the dark. I listened to him beg and whine and cry for me to let him out. I let him know that Wonderous Woman was a force of justice and that the evil criminals I captured deserved their punishments. I stayed like that until my mom made me let him out and told us to play outside.

I had to untie him but I put the leash back on him as soon as we got outside. I also made him wear my hat. He cried because he didn’t want to be seen in a girl’s hat. I countered that Wonderous Woman is powerful and I could make him do whatever I wanted. In the picture, Freddie is hiding behind me because he doesn’t want to be seen in my hat.

Is that how you feel right now, David? Do you want to hide? Can I make you do whatever I want? I tingle. Let’s do it right this time. I grab my toy and return to my seat, watching him out the window. I have my leash around your neck, pitiful boy. I wonder what Brie would say if she saw you right now. Would she look you in the face and tear you down? Would you hide? Would you take it off? Or would you suffer and endure because I want you to prove your devotion to me?

My hips buck and my toes curl as I let out a deep series of moans. You’re mine, boy. I own you. I can do anything I want to and you are powerless to stop me. I let out a cry and cum. I slump in the chair.

Is this the feeling I’ve always wanted? I had always craved obedience and focus, but do I truly want absolute power? You’re starting to scare me, Wanda. Power is a heady feeling. Is this at the core of my Domspace?

I think back to that day in my freshman year of college. Why am I thinking about this now? I was that stupid girl who got duped by the handsome boy at the party. If I hadn’t been able to let out that scream before he covered my mouth. If other people hadn’t heard it and rushed in and pulled him off of me. I never wanted to feel that helpless ever again. I signed up for self-defense classes a few days later. I learned how to protect myself. I learned how to hurt someone. I would never be weak little Wanda in need of someone else to save me ever again.

I think back to my classes. I enjoyed them. I continued training for years. For a while I felt like a badass. That was before I met my ex-husband. I remember finally working my way into the advanced class. It was then that I got my first taste of using joint locks, submission holds, and take downs. I remember applying them to the male students in the class, watching them writhe in my grasp before tapping out. I felt so alive in those moments. I didn’t feel that way again… until I embraced dominance.

Is that what I wish for? To have a boy helpless before me? I can’t answer these questions until I experience more. I peer out the window. David is making excellent progress. Good boy.

I decide to take a bath. If I’m not going out, I may as well enjoy myself. I try to clear my head and do some actual meditation. I close my eyes and soak in the warmth and the pleasant aroma of the bath oils. Today is a good day. I lose track of time.

I depart the bath and pull my robe on. I return to the window. David’s car is gone. The driveway and walkway are clear of snow… except for some snow on the front steps. Really, David?

I head downstairs and open the front door. On the front step sits a heart made out of snow with an arrow through it. I cover my eyes with my hand and feel the walls inside of me collapse. Goddammit David, you missed a spot. You dirty son of a bitch, you don’t fight fair.

I take a picture of it on my phone. I don’t know why. Part of me wants to stomp on it and kick the snow off the step. Part of me wants to cry. Is this what it feels like to be vulnerable?

I close the door and lean against the wall. I pull my phone from my pocket and bring up yoohoo. Time to take back control, Wanda. Prod him.

“sputter, did shoveling for me give you a stiffy?”
“No, ma’am.”

I’m actually disappointed by this. Prod him again.
“Why not? I thought you lived to serve a woman.”
“First off, ma’am, it was really cold out. Secondly, it’s impossible to get an erection while locked in a chastity device.”

My heart flutters. Dammit, David. I must defeat you. Let’s see how you do with snarky.

“Now that you know my address are you going to stalk me?”
“I would never risk upsetting you, ma’am. I play the long game.”
“Long game?”
“Trust is a fragile thing. It takes a long time to build but it can be broken in an instant.”

I pause. You and your damn words. I only want to melt on my terms.
“You won’t give up, will you?”
“Giving up easily isn’t a strength, is it, ma’am?”
“What are you hoping for?”
“To be in your life in any capacity, ma’am. As I have said before, you are amazing.”

Curse you, David. Get out of my heart. I didn’t invite you in yet. It’s not fair. I hate giving in. I let out a deep sigh.
“My name is Wanda. You may address me as Miss Wanda.”
“Thank you so much, Miss Wanda. It was a pleasure being of service to you today.”
“I will no longer address you as sputter. You have earned the privilege of keeping your name, David.”
“Thank you, Miss Wanda. Everything I receive from you feels like a gift on Christmas morning.”

I slide down the wall to the floor. I set the phone down and put my face in my hands. How did I let this happen? I’m not the one that is supposed to feel helpless.

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19 thoughts on “fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 1 – Chapter 8

    1. Thank you, NYAG. That is interesting to me that you mention the hat as I received a bit of private feedback on this chapter as well and it was never a focal point. You may have discovered something about your Domme-side from that 🙂

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Patriarchy leads the whole of Asia , I simply love the fact you reversed this situation here ; that an Asian man is more than willing to slave for wonderous Wanda …
    I start to fantasize of an Asian David myself ….

    Emme

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Emme.
      David is loosely based around me. Asian men living in the USA experience a unique set of struggles. His character mirrors much of what I have faced and how that can lead to a driven and motivated outlook in the rare opportunities that they are given a chance.

      Take care.

      Like

  2. May I ask which part of Asia ?
    I myself , I’m half Asian , living in Europe and discovering new things , new concepts , new people , Bdsm too
    …………

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh boy ….
    I was born between a small island between Asia and Africa , given to a new parents when I was a month old too , God , we’re so similar .
    Actually , I am having the best time ever , training my sub step by step , actually he introduced me to Bdsm , I didn’t event know the concept but while reading Wanda’s childhood, I saw a lot of myself in her. Domination was the normal curve to follow and it came very easy and instinctively to me. I didn’t have to force myself nor fake my behaviours so far . My sub always says ‘I’m a natural ‘. I feel blessed to be able to mold such a man into the thing I want him to be

    Emme

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for sharing, Emme.
      That does sound quite similar 🙂

      I am glad that you are having fun. It sounds like both you and your sub are quite lucky. A lot of the Dommes I know had some strong childhood influences or experiences that helped to shape them. It often went latent for many years before finding the right circumstances to set it free.

      Take care.

      Like

  4. True , we never stop saying how lucky that we’ve found each other . In my case I had an elder brother and a younger brother , i was the middle child , totally spoilt by my mother , she gave me all the freedom . And I grew up in a lane with only boys so I had to be firm and just a notch above them everytime to keep my place , I would compete every occasion , cheat to win , push them off their bicycles , make one of them swallow half a lizard alive , pull their pants down ….. i was the true bandit of the lane ….. they had a hard time, they were even ashamed to tell their parents but it was essential at that time to keep that place , to be a fierce little girl . Wanda character is very clear to me , she’s me and I am her .
    But the funny part is while growing up you’re said to be a certain way , society put you in brackets to which you stick to and little by little , one adapts .
    18 long years later , on a fateful day during the beautiful month of may , a man walks in my life and awakens me like no other did …… He gifted himself to me , his obedience , his respect , his low voice , his adoration , his submission above all and love engulfed it all ……

    Emme

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Emme. That is a beautiful story. It sounds like you were indeed fierce 🙂
      It is also great that you found the one that would awaken you.

      I do hope you will keep in touch.
      I also have a separate blog for my BDSM theory and personal thoughts located here if you are interested: https://fcsyblog.wordpress.com

      Take care.

      Like

  5. I certainly will fs,
    I like to call you fs , just like Wanda would call David ‘ D’ . For me it’s fursissy , why the c instead of the s ?
    I will check out your other blog to know more .

    Keep well fs

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you.
      As for the c vs. the s, it’s a little bit complicated. My old blog address was fc but the author name was fs. I swapped them when I moved to wordpress. fs or fc are both fine.

      Take care.

      Like

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