fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 2 – Chapter 17

Chapter 17

I stand out on the front porch and watch the sunset as it slowly creeps its way across the mountains. The view here is beautiful, David. It’s everything that we imagined it would be and more. This was our trip. This was the trip that was meant for us. It’s early summer now but still feels a little bit chilly. I wrap my new fur around me and rub my cheek on its collar. Do you like my new fur, David? Is it pretty? Do I look beautiful in it? I went to the shop in town and tried on almost everything like we had talked about. I found one that I thought you would love to see me in. It’s just not the same without you.

I look down at the sky reflecting off the surface of the lake. This is the cabin that was meant for us. We would build a fire. You would service me. My voice would fill the air as you made me climax again and again. We were supposed to joke about the airport and how you were going to get through security with your chastity device on. This trip was meant for us. You left me, and now I’m here. All alone.

I need to get over missing you, David. I need to stop seeing what’s not there. I wish you were here. I miss you every day. I need to start missing me, David. I’m the one that still has to live without you. I’m the one that still has to feel like me.

I’m thankful every day that you helped create this new me. The old me would have died with you. The old me would have been too crippled to live. You helped me become this. It was your love that created the woman that stands here without you.

You were my perfect beautiful boy. Were. Past tense. The day that you left me a part of me died. The day that they put you in that box in the ground, I wanted to join you. That isn’t how things work. Death is never perfect. We were never meant to die together, hand in hand, at the same time so that neither of us would be alone. You of all people knew this better than anyone.

The fact that you found me after you lost her gives me the faith that I can find someone else. The old me would fear that you would hate me from beyond the grave. The new me knows that you would want to see me happy. The sun sinks lower over the mountain. I wish you were here to light the fire, David. I can do it by myself but you do it a little bit better. Everything was a little bit better with you in it. I could always do things myself. I just liked doing them with you that much better.

I want your ghost to haunt me, David, I really do. The mark you left on me will be as permanent as the W the tattoo parlor put on you. I grew from you, my love. I am only here because of you. I need to learn how to live with your ghost. I need to learn how to thrive again. I want you to watch over me. I feel stronger knowing that a part of you will live on forever in my heart.

The last trickle of sun parts the mountain top. The faint trace of tears in my eyes makes it sparkle. Thank you, David. You always made everything so much more beautiful. I walk back inside the cabin and close the door. This small little building made of logs and earth, concrete and plaster, this is the place that I will be reborn. I took this trip to say goodbye. I took this trip to remind myself that I need to move on. I took this trip to know for certain just how empty I feel with no one by my side, no one to love me, and no one to feel my love.

I know you will be happy for me, David, that was just how you were. I still remember your words. “To be in your life in any capacity.” You would have shoveled my driveway every day with a soup spoon just to be able to know that you pleased me. You were the most perfect man I ever knew. I always used to laugh because everything you did was better than fs. Everyone I ever meet will fall short of you. They will all be dwarfed by your shadow. This is why I must say goodbye, David. I need to be able to live. I learned that when I gave that other boy the chance to please me. He was so pathetic compared to you. I never gave him the chance because it only reminded me of how lacking he was compared to you. I realize now that is an unfair comparison.

I came to understand that your true strength was how you elevated me to a level I never imaged possible. You were so amazing yet I know you always felt like I was the only one in the world who could see you. I was always grateful to the fools who overlooked you. I was almost one of those fools. I could have missed out on you, my perfect boy. The boy with the silver tongue. The boy with the magic tongue. The little Asian Captain Ahab, the most fearsome white whale hunter in the vagina seas.

I’m so sorry that I didn’t marry you when we had the chance. That was twice that marriage was denied to you. Life is so unfair sometimes. I used to laugh when I would tell people that I had a fiance. All the women would ask where my ring was. I always told them it was around your neck, where it should be. They had no clue. No one ever had a clue… just how perfect you were.

I need someone, David. Someone to be with me. I need someone to shower my body in kisses. I need someone to love me and suffer for me as you did. They will pale in comparison to you, but without you, I need what is second best. I light the kindling in the fireplace and watch it crackle to life. Soon this fire will give me warmth, David. I haven’t felt warm since the day you left me. This will be our last night together like this. It has to be this way. I can’t keep suffering without hope.

I watch the fire crackle and pop before me. The sparks dance upon the logs in this darkened room. I drop my shorts to the floor and kick off my panties. This is our last time, David. Here, in this cabin meant for us, on this trip meant for us, in this fur that was meant for us in front of the warmth of the fire that was meant for us. I sit down on the bearskin rug and retrieve the toy from the table.

I close my eyes. You appear before me. Your tongue, oh, your wonderful tongue. I let out a moan. I feel you, shifting my legs around for perfect positioning. I never had to guide you, you always did it just right. I grind my hips and feel you. I let out a cry. I feel your lips, your tongue, your fingers, and your love. My perfect, perfect boy. My hips are quivering now. I know that means I’m close. I rub my hand over the fur on my breasts. You feel so good. I love you, David. I love you so much. Thank you, for pleasuring me this final time. You raise my hips. I’m so close, David. I throw my head back and cry out into the dark. I drop to my back as the tears fill my eyes. I miss you, my love. I know that I will never have you again.  This is the last time.  It’s time for me to go.

I sob with my entire body. This is me feeling you dying. I’m sorry that we couldn’t have more time together. It’s time for me to go.

My eyes close.

I wake to the morning sun pouring through the window. The weight in my heart is gone. I don’t feel you there anymore. I know I will never stop missing you, but I need to move on without you.

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8 thoughts on “fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 2 – Chapter 17

  1. Oh, I too, like Ms. Dixie will shed the tears upon Wanda’s fate. It’s 3.30 am on my clock, time to catch some sleep but there are another 4 chapter left. I would better call the day off tomorrow for I have to read them straight away. Good read indeed – psychilogically deepen.
    Peter

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Writing this chapter made me cry more than the others. The pain of momentary events is so much different than the lingering of loss and having to let go in order to overcome.

      When I almost decided to scrap arc 2, this chapter is the one that made me want to press on. It felt beautiful to me even though it hurt.

      Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

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