fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 2 – Chapter 18

Chapter 18

I stare blankly at the screen. My kinklife profile is so out of date with the woman I am today. So much to do. I returned to work last week. It’s been a little over 6 months since we buried David. I took Gordon’s advice and went on a number of trips. Alaska is where I finally said goodbye. Those trips reminded me just how much I want to love someone and how much I need someone in my life. Today I’m back on kinklife and ready to do what it takes to return to the world of the living.

I’ve had a few meetings with subs in the past couple of weeks. None of them went very well. They weren’t awful subs, they just weren’t a good fit. They expected too much from me. With Cass’s blessing I even met with #19. He was an interesting guy, but he wasn’t interested in me. His unpaid internship was his ultimate fantasy. To serve women thanklessly, be treated as a number, and to have no emotional involvement whatsoever.

I feel a sharp pain in my heart as I click to edit my relationship status. You can do it, Wanda. This is what it means to get back into the game. RagnAzn_4u. I remove him from my owned list. I begin checking boxes, selecting from drop downs. I set my profile to single and looking. A random thought occurs, if I plan to keep his dick caged 24/7, does he really need to even have one? I shake these thoughts away, I can’t picture dominating someone that I can relate to, most notably, I can’t picture dominating someone that would be like me.

I highlight my profile text and hover my hand over the delete key. I haven’t made any major changes in two years. I’m an entirely different woman now. How do I feel so much older now? I press delete and begin to type.

“Any male that wishes to contact me for any reason must use the subject line ‘ABC 123.’ As in, it’s as easy as. If you can’t follow these simple instructions I do not wish to have you in my life in any capacity. Women may contact me without such restrictions.

Earlier this year the greatest submissive man to ever walk the Earth was taken from me. I am ready to find the one who will be the next chapter in my life but whoever that may be will have some giant shoes to fill. I’m not so naive that the next will be able to replace him. I seek someone with the potential to be trained so that my life will not feel lacking. The only characteristic you must have that must match his is your capacity to love completely with an open heart and willingness to give yourself entirely to me. The weak and cowardly need not apply.

I will make no secret of the fact that I am selfish, demanding, and wish to control every aspect of your life. You will exist to please me. You will exist to suffer for me. I have exacting standards and I will not compromise on them. Most of you will fail me. I do not mind being patient in my pursuit of quality.

You should be funny and smart. You should be humble and loving. Your heart should ache to please. You should ache to see me smile.

Your penis will never experience the pleasure of me. It will remain locked up with no hope of release, as a reminder that this isn’t about you, it’s about me.”

I pause for a moment. Do I have an age requirement? I’ve never felt that being ageist served any purpose, but if he is too old, I will probably be forced to do another one of these some day. I feel sick to my stomach just thinking about it. The thought of being with someone 10 or 15 years seems like an eternity in comparison to what I just lost. I’m too selfish to want to say goodbye ever again. My resolve hardens.

“You should be between the ages of 25 and 45. You should be STD free. No drug addicts or alcoholics, I will be the only drug of choice. I don’t care about how tall you are, how pretty you are, or how big your dick is. I don’t care if you’re rich or poor. You should be capable of holding employment. If you can’t do that then you are probably of no use to me.

24/7 TPE is the life for me. This isn’t built overnight. You will have to earn my trust.

If you wish to serve me:
Be single.
Be local.
Be available.
Be honest.

I am not for the faint of heart. I am the Venus in Furs.”

I scan my work. I really sound like a bitch. Oh well, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck. A smile crawls over my face.

“PS. I am especially interested in those who have hunted the white whale and lived to talk about it.”

I click save and begin sifting through my interests. It takes all of five minutes for the first message to roll through. The subject line: ABC 123. Amazing. I would have given that 100:1 odds. Fcisie. I open it.

“Dear MsFoXXXY,

I’m terribly sorry to hear about your loss. I can only empathize at the pain you have endured and admire your courage at getting back into the game. I’m sure that I will be one of many that write to you. While you sound lovely, I am not local nor in a position to relocate, so I will not make any presumptions about courting you as a potential dominant. I do wish to extend an olive branch of friendship if you would like someone to talk to. I know the search can be tiresome and jaded and I offer myself as a sounding board, even if it is just to vent about frustrations along the way.

I understand if you have no desire to speak to me and I will not be offended if I never hear back from you. I just want to offer my support and tell you to steer the course. Be uncompromising, as any Venus in Furs should be.

I know too well the hollowed-out feeling of losing your perfect match. You deserve to live again. You deserve to love again. You deserve to feel complete. I’m sure that’s what he would want of you. If his ghost could speak, I’m sure he would be telling you that right now.

Do take care of yourself. I will be rooting for you and hoping for the day that you will smile freely and have your heart overflow with love.

-fcsie

PS. I have hunted the white whale and it is an absolutely breath-taking sight to behold.”

I let out a small sigh and smirk. The nerve of this boy. He has balls. I click the button to Request Friendship. If he writes to me again before I respond to him I will block him. Let the games begin. Welcome back, Wanda.

Return to the Table of Contents

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s