Spoiler alert. Do not read this until finishing Chapter 22.
I just finished Arc 2. I do not plan to write any more in this story. This Arc completely drained me emotionally. It wiped me out. I might just be saying that since I wrote all of it in less than 2 days. The wounds feel fresh.
I’m guessing there are readers that will be upset at me for this arc and why I chose to take the story this way. I will try to explain it here a bit. Arc 1 did NOT turn out as I had envisioned it. The plan was always for Wanda to reconnect with Freddie, hence, fs02. David was intended to be someone she encountered along her journey but I had planned to have her find too many flaws in him that she couldn’t overcome and he was not going to make the cut.
In the process of convincing Wanda to even give him a chance, the emotions I had going with her took over and things erupted in such a way that they were swept away in the moment. I didn’t really mind as I felt that Arc 1 had a very enjoyable and romantic ending.
I thought about ending it there because to be honest, David was almost already fully trained. How interesting would it have been to have 5 or 10 chapters of him being the perfect sub? Probably pretty boring and unfulfilling. David would never leave Wanda. Wanda would never break up with David. The only way out was tragedy.
If you read fs01, you know that the second arc dealt with the idea of tragedy, but Cassandra ultimately survives. If you know anything about my life from my blog, you know that my tragedy didn’t have a happy ending. I lost her. It was devastating.
Losing a D/s partner is a very real experience for some. It’s also the ultimate nightmare for others. People don’t even want to think about it. There is a process of healing. It isn’t an easy one. It hurts like hell, but we get through it. It changes us. We move on.
I wrote chapters 14-17 in tears. It hurt. Bad. Really bad. So bad it made me sick. The way that I write, I feel what Wanda is feeling and I put it on the page. This hurt. Deeply. I chose certain series’ of events that would show her process of healing. She wasn’t going to curl up and die. She was going to slowly put herself back together and face the world from a new perspective. This is such a careful and important topic that I wanted it to feel completely authentic. Writing chapter 17 had me aching so badly as she let him go… and writing it felt just like… letting go of K when I lost her. I’m crying again while I write out this reflection.
I didn’t write this with the intent of using cheap events to emotionally manipulate people. I wrote it because I wanted portray a realistic gravity of the loss and emotions of losing your D/s partner.
I almost did not publish this arc because I didn’t want people to read it and hurt without there being a reason.
I had to put that in bold. I published chapters 13-21 all in a row while I finished 22. Throughout the process I hung onto the idea of NOT publishing this arc.
In the end, I wanted there to be the idea of hope. At some point, you learn to live again and start anew. It’s an adjustment, but you power through it and do the best that you can. I really do hope that message came through.
There is one other factor that came into play. I kept injecting myself into the story. If you read fs01, you saw me. As you read David, you saw me. These were finished products in a story that was meant to be about works in progress. Granted, Freddie is also a version of me but an early and incomplete version of my submissive self.
I had always wanted Wanda to become stronger and be the “veteran” in the relationship. I wanted her to truly lead the way because she was strong and not because she had a strong and experienced sub. I had to remove myself. I had to kill myself off because I fucked up the plot by having myself in there too strongly in the first place.
Don’t get me wrong, it was very nice trying to write someone else falling in love with me. In the desire for a compelling storyline, it had to change or it would be predictable. I reinserted myself as a kinklife friend to Wanda. Someone distant but there when she needed them.
To be honest, I do not plan to continue this story. This arc took too much out of me. The Wanda inside me from arc 1 was so wild and a little zany. She would get embarrassed easily and her emotions and confidence would fluctuate quite a bit. I grew her by simulating that year with David. Riding with her through the loss and recovery changed her completely. She didn’t resemble the original Wanda anymore. She was now thoughtful and introspective in a new way. She had become more mature and while she still had her quirks, it felt like the quirks were a pat of her and not what was driving her.
I hope that came through in the story. I definitely felt it as I was writing it.
Feel free to share your thoughts with me on this. Feel free to hate me for publishing this arc (or, hate the arc and not me).