fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 4 – Chapter 44

Chapter 44

I roll over in bed to the sound of my phone beeping.

“Mistress, I am going to be a little bit late today if that is okay.”

My pulse jumps. Venus steps in.

“What could be so important that you would keep me waiting, boy?”
“It’s a personal detail, Mistress. I’m so sorry.”
“Have I over-estimated you, boy? What part of full-disclosure is so hard for you to understand?”

I wait for his reply. My patience wears thin.
“I have to visit he grave yard. It’s the anniversary.”

Venus fades away. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I clench my hands.
“Take me with you.”
“Really?”
“Do I need to repeat myself?”
“Yes, Mistress. How long do you need to get ready?”
“One hour.”
“Thank you, Mistress. I will see you then.”

II set my phone down and sigh.

Why did you do that, Wanda?
I want to make the most of our time together. This is our last day.
Are you sure it’s not insecurity?
I’m not sure.
Clueless girl.
I want to see all of him. I want to be there to hold him if he cries.
You love him.
I do. I want to see how he recovers, too. I want to know everything.
I’ll be gentle for now. I’m as much a part of this as you are.
I know. He likes us both.

I wave goodbye to Vic as I head to the shower. Self-doubt creeps in. I am invading his most precious and private space. Your Reverb will find its way into even more private spaces. Quiet, Venus, that’s inappropriate right now. Would I allow him to see me at David’s grave? I don’t know. I shower quickly and quickly do my hair and makeup.

I dress in all black today. I know what you think because I can still feel you inside me, David. Am I crossing boundaries? Would you be hurt if I brought another man to your grave? You wouldn’t, would you. You would be happy to meet them. You would be happy that I found someone worthy enough to touch your shadow. I almost forgot. You know him. I’ve seen you comment back and forth with him on blogs. You got along well. That is actually what convinced me to take this trip. It’s because he was so much like you.

I was going to wear my leather coat today. I will wear my black fur instead, Brendan. I’ve noticed when I hug you in my fur that your entire body trembles. It scares you, not because I’m a Domme, but because you’re afraid the moment will end. Is that right?

You’ve been there for me so many times. You’ve been my crutch. How many times? Hundreds. You give me guidance even when I don’t ask for it. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this before. I want to show you that I can be a crutch, too. I want to show you that I am worthy of your submission. That is why I need to go with you today. It’s a selfish reason and I’m sorry to intrude upon your moment. I hope you can forgive me but you know that I’ll never apologize for it.

I look in the mirror. I’ve always said that I dress up for me. Today, Brendan, I am dressing up for you. I don’t need to impress you. I just want you to ache for me. I know you sub boys love that feeling.

At 5 till I head down to the lobby. I won’t make you wait today. I’ll make it easy. I go out and stand at the curb. Don’t be late, boy.

I watch him pull up with two minutes to spare. I watch his head swivel around and he blocks traffic until the horns snap him from his trance. I grin. He’s so much fun. His car pulls up to the curb. He gets out to open my door. I greet him with a kiss.

Wait, what? I wasn’t planning to do that. I was actually going to just get in the car without making him open my door.

“You look stunning today, Mistress.”
“Thank you, boy.”

We drive mostly in silence. Brendan gives a little bit of play by play and the stops he has to make. Our first stop is at a flower shop. He leaves the car running and returns with two flowers. An orchid and a rose. He hands the rose to me, forcing a smile. My heat screams inside my chest.

The next stop is the cemetery. It’s so peaceful. The gray skies paint everything so drab. I hope he doesn’t hate me for forcing myself into his plans. Outside the car he holds my hand. We walk side by side. Every time I hear his breathing change he squeezes. I’m here, boy. I know what this feels like.

He stops in the path, releases my hand, and turns down a row to a plain looking white head-stone. I give him some time. I watch him carefully. He staggers. At the grave he falls to his knees. He lets out a panged cry. It’s more like a scream. His sobs follow.

Oh, Brendan. You didn’t fully heal yet, did you? It must be hard being a male sub. You don’t have the same kind of support system and legions of people wanting to know you that I do. I understand why you settled after Cate. It would have killed you to be alone. My eyes mist up as he points his face to the sky and lets out another wail. I watch him place the orchid on the ground.

The wind blows and carries his voice to me. I don’t think he’s trying to be heard by me. He’s also not trying to speak in secret.

“Oh, Cate. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t with you at the end. It still haunts me, you know? You were my everything. I’m sorry I only come to visit you once a year. My heart can’t handle more than that. I try not to think about you because it hurts too much. I’m a terrible person. I dishonor your memory because I don’t let myself remember except for this one day. Oh, god. Will you ever forgive me? Will you ever let me forgive myself?”

A tear trickles down my cheek. I quickly retrieve a handkerchief from my purse. He sniffles loudly and coughs. His sobbing seems under control now. Clarity and calmness return to his voice.

“I brought someone to meet you today, Cate. She’s a good friend of mine and hopefully more. Well, hope. She has been my hope for the past year. It’s silly, I know, she’s a stranger from another state but the fact that she wanted to talk to me gave me hope. I’ve wanted to join you so many times. I kept up hope. I stumbled across her profile at random. A random person on my friend’s list liked one of her photos. When I found it I got so excited but then I saw she was with someone. I kept following her in secret. She doesn’t know this, but it’s true.

I hadn’t found a Venus in Furs since you, Cate. I thought to myself, wow, there’s another? Maybe there’s hope for me after all. I didn’t write to her though. I didn’t make a friend request. It wasn’t meant to be. And then tragedy struck her. She lost someone dear to her. It made my heart sick to read her journal entries. I knew those feelings so well. When she got really down I got brave and sent her a message. I didn’t expect her to write me back, but every day I sent her a message, encouraging her.

I never thought that she’d write me back. I just wanted to help her through the dark time.”

Brendan starts to cry again. I blow my nose.

“One day she wrote me back. I felt like I won the lottery. What did I ever do to deserve to be so blessed? After a while she leaned on me as a friend. I was just so happy to have her in my life. I needed to know that I wasn’t invisible. It was great. It turned out she was a wonderful person, so eager to learn and understand things. She was enthusiastic and vibrant.

I don’t know what I did, but one day she teased me, in just the right way, you know? I didn’t know what to do? I wanted to believe it was real but I didn’t want to hope only to find out it was a joke. When she stopped writing to me I got so scared. I cried for weeks, certain that I had lost her. Then one day she came back to me. And now she’s here. She’s even more wonderful in person. She’s funny, smart, and beautiful. I think that you would like her.

Is this okay for me to hope, Cate? Is it okay for me to move on if she chooses me? I want to love someone and to be loved again. Life is just so awful without that. Please tell me it’s okay.”

I wrap my arms around him. He sobs. I lean down and kiss the top of his head. I blow my warm breath upon his neck. I’m here, boy. He shivers in my arms. It’s my turn.

“Hello, Cate. It’s good to meet you. You have a very special boy here. I’m sure you did wonders with his training but he’s so smart that I think he probably evolved a lot on his own strength, too. I can tell that you were an amazing woman because you spotted him and brought him to you. Special boys like these, don’t get appreciated enough. I’m sure that you know this.

This boy reached out to me when I needed someone the most. I needed empathy. I needed someone who knew what it took to rebuild the strength to heal. He’s been there for me for a long time. I was foolish for not really seeing his true potential until more recently. I lost a boy that was special to me.

If healing has taught me anything, I deserve to be happy. I want another special boy. I think I’ve found him. The other reason I know that you must have been great is that he still loves you. I trust his judgment, he’s proven that he has an eye for good things. That’s how I know that you would want him to find happiness again. You would never want to tie him to your ghost like an anchor. In time he will be able to feel your strength inside of him. He won’t be able to do that until he moves on. I know that you agree with me.

I feel so lucky. I don’t think he knows that I feel like I won the lottery. Every Wanda needs her Severin. I have been without mine for far too long. I know that you would give us your blessing. The more time I spend with him the more that I’m certain that I want him.

Thank you, Cate, for allowing us to share in this moment together. I will never try to replace you just as he will never replace my David. This isn’t about reliving the past but about creating a new future. This is where hope comes from.”

I rock him in my arms. His crying has stopped. He’s like a rag doll. I’m sure he’s spent. I know my visits to the grave left me feeling that way. I feel his hand tug on my collar. His voice is so clear.

“I love you, Mistress.”

I feel the storm of emotions rage. This isn’t impulsive. This isn’t some silly schoolgirl crush. This is me following my heart.

“I love you, pet.”

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6 thoughts on “fs02: A Domme’s View – Arc 4 – Chapter 44

    1. Thank you. I am glad you found it beautiful. This chapter was originally planned to be both 44 and 45 all in one, but it would have been waaaaaay too long. This felt like it ended with a good emotional closure point.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Very powerful, fur. You do know how to pull the heart strings. I know full well that deep inside (well, not so deep) you are a romantic, and the emotions that you write about are yours as well. Let’s see where this goes.

    Liked by 1 person

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